Lent Is Not Over Until It Is Over

Lent is not over until it is over. Some of you have probably found yourself within the lenten season without any direction whatsoever. A brilliant priest, Fr. Shane Johnson, has created a humorous but very effective way of thinking our way through how we might yield our souls to God during Lent. If you have yet to make your commitments, use this chart and don’t be discouraged. It is never too late to give more to God.

Click on the diagram below:




Source: Catholic Spiritual Direction

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Forrest Gump In Heaven

That fateful day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met by St. Peter himself at the Pearly Gates.

"Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you," St. Peter says. "I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

"It shor is good to be here, St. Peter, sir," says Forest. "But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."

"Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions. First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begin with The letter 'T'? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I'll give you credit for that answer. How about the next one? How many seconds in a year?"

"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd---"

"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I see your point. Though that wasn't quite what I had in mind, I'll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure", Forrest says smiling, "it's Howard."

"Howard?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Howard as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replies. "Don't you know the Lord's own prayer? 'Our father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...'."

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run Forrest, run."

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Dirt Devil

Scary.

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Adam, Eve & Apes

A little girl asked her Mum, "How did the human race appear?"

The Mum answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children,
and so was all mankind made..."

Two days later the girl asked her Dad the same question.

The Dad answered,
"Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said,
"Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,
and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered,
"Well, Dear, it's very simple. I told you about my side of the family
and your father told you about his.."

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Funny Priest

I read from the forums that apparently Fr. Benedict Groeschel once said that the Mormons are the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints; Catholics are the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Sinners.

Good old Catholic humour.

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Pastor's Business Card

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10..'

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.' Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'

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Miracle Spring Water Will Make You Rich

God bless Rev. Peter Popoff for sharing his miracle water. Peter Popoff claims to be a faith healer, and performs revival meetings on national television which include laying on of hands. His ministry is based in Upland, California, and is funded through donations.

Do you have faith in Rev. Peter Popoff ?

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Skateboarding Priest Becomes YouTube Hit

The Reverend Zoltan Lendvai, 45, who lives and preaches in Redics, a small village on Hungary's border with Slovenia, believes skateboarding can open the way to God for young people.

The video of him in action, Funny Priest Skateboarding, has so far attracted close to 170,000 hits and now also has a music version.

Read more here.



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Can You Live The Bible Literally ?

Author, philosopher, prankster and journalist A.J. Jacobs talks about the year he spent living biblically -- following the rules in the Bible as literally as possible.

Watch this video.

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The Late Thierry Henry

I particularly like this joke.

Prosperity Gospel Exposed

This video points out the heretical nature of the prosperity gospel.

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Faith Book

Source: Ironic Catholic


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This Man Claims To Be Jesus Christ

Dr. Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda refers to himself as "Jesucristo Hombre" which translates to "The Man Christ Jesus" and he also says he is the Anti-Christ. He claims to have millions of followers worldwide.

Unbelievable ! There are still people like this in the world.

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